Cultural Literacy - Sort Of

I take my role as a caucasian mother raising AA children very seriously.  So much cultural information that  a AA child might pick up just being in a black family or community generally becomes a purposeful conversation for us.  Some are important pieces of history or teaching racial slurs so they know when they are being insulted - a coping skill they definitely need to know.  Then there are the hilarious or absurd conversations as the one we had last night.

My Ella is a very curvy girl already and will become more so as she grows and giving her a good self image is utmost on my mind when I look at how quickly she is physically maturing.  So conversations such as we had in the car last night are important for us to have.  What a huge disservice I would do to my daughter to send her out into the world completely ignorant to her history and culture.  Therefore, we had a talk about big butts - yes a very cultural conversation.

While switching stations they were listening to a hip hop song which had a reference to a girl's big backyard - not sure they heard it, but I started gabbing that many hip hop songs make references to, well, big butts - which is cultural.  So, I started telling Ella what a great apple bottom she has and how when a black woman asks, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" and someone says yes - this is the answer they're hoping to hear.  On the other hand, a white woman would likely be insulted.  "Isn't that silly," I said.

Then I launched into the song from Sir Mix-A-Lot that they know from Shrek, "I like big butts and I cannot lie!"

Special Olympics flashback

Callie and Christian are both old enough to participate in Special Olympics now, so I signed them up for track and field.  Chad, who is 36 now, was active for a few years when he was in elementary school.  For a variety of reasons we stopped participating, not the least of which was his fear of starter guns.  He would stand at the starter line with his hands on his ears waiting for the gun to go off and after all the other athletes were well on their way he would start his run.

 I assumed with the awareness of sensory issues, sensitivity to sound being a big one, another way to start races would have been in place.  But, as Callie lined up to run for the first time, with her ear protectors in place, she saw the starter gun and started walking briskly the other direction.  I was very clear that if the gun was used, we would likely have to leave and the dad put the gun away without hesitation.  I asked the coach if they would be used at the meets and the answer was a clear yes.

It seemed an e-mail to the state office was in order to express some dismay that the use of guns was still in effect.  The reply I got was that when a sport traditionally uses a starter gun, then that's what they do.  If an athlete has a problem with the gun a whistle can be used in it's place.  Now this really shows no understanding of sensory issues as any gun going off anywhere in the arena will send Callie running - and not as intended.

After stewing about it a bit I decided that we should figure out a way for her to make peace with the starter gun.  She can't spend her whole life arranging her life around the possibility of loud and unexpected noises.    So, a new pair of ear protectors, hopefully a more effective pair, are on order.  The $200+ ones are out of our price range, so hopefully the $35 will suffice.  I'm also tracking down a starter gun and darn it we're going to do our level best to help her overcome her fear.  She's overcome so much, why not this?

Now, as to the Special Olympics - one of the meanings of special refers to exceptional.  Callie is nothing if not exceptional and if anyone deserves to run in the Special Olympics - she does.

Well Preserved

The other day I was shopping with Shannon - a rare occasion for us for several reasons.  Generally I do not shop with children.  The majority of my kids are not recreational shoppers.  This is probably due to the fact that it is rare that a purchase is likely to be made and unless it's a toy - they're not interested.  Works for me.

So, Shannon will soon be 14 - amazing - and we were having a girl's day out.  I found a cute outfit for her at Macy's - major clearance - and we were checking out.  I didn't have my Macy's card, so gave her my ID to look up my account info.  Obviously she took note of my age, but I didn't realize that was the catalyst of the conversational exchange we then had.  She first started commenting on my coral colored hoodie and what a great color it was on me.  Then she proceeded to tell me, in a very thick Asian accent which for some reason made it funnier, how I didn't have any age spots on my face or wrinkles.  Well, now that's just ridiculous as it took me a pound of make up to cover both those things up.

At first I was kind of flattered and then I realized she was commenting because she knew what my advanced age was and I officially have hit the "well-preserved" category.  I guess that's still a good thing, but it's hard to get used to the - you look great...............for your age - comments.

Full Moon?

We've noticed a huge correlation between several of our kids - Callie in particular this past time - and an increase in impulsivity or other behavioral issues.  Everyone who works in group homes, hospitals, nursing homes, the court system, etc. they all have notice that there is an increase - this is not a new phenomenon it's a well known fact.  Now, why it occurs is up for grabs, but there is no denying it does happen.  Hello - where do you think the term lunatic came from?  Just google moon cycle and behavior and you'll see a list of the increase in violent crimes etc. etc.

Here are two of Callie's creations over the past super moon - the biggest in almost 20 yrs.  The fish survived and thankfully we did not have a reinactment of the book, "A Fish out of Water".  In case you've never read it the boy in the book can't resist feeding the fish over and over again instead of the small pinch the pet store owner told him to feed it.  The fish ends up huge - too big for even a swimming pool.  

The "mural" on her bedroom wall will take longer to fix.  Yes, it's permanent marker, so painting is in order.  However, my dear Mark, is already in the process of creating a new bedroom for Ella who has been a patient roomate, but as she nears 10, she really needs some space to herself.  So,  he just finished painting her new room and still has woodwork etc. to complete before he can then turn his attention to yet another repair job.  Hence the often stated - no wonder we never get ahead in this joint!

You can see the progression from right to left as she practices the playground scene she wants to draw.  Happy children on a slide - the sun is smiling.  I'm thinking if we hadn't been in such a hurry to clean it up, maybe we would have just framed it and called it art. I've seen worse.

Patience is a virtue

Patience is a virtue. Where did that annoying expression come from.  I've never been a particularly patient person, which for some odd reason seems to surprise people.  I have certainly come a long way, but every once in awhile that ugly snapping impatient head pops out and watch out or better yet get out of my way.

In Wikipedia it states, "Patience is the level of endurance one's character can take before negativity."  I sure hate when my character is called into question.

But Thomas Jefferson said, "Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." So then, if I develop more patience than I can be just a little bit superior - but then I have an issue with pride which is another character flaw. Who am I kidding being cool and unruffled at all times is never going to happen.  Sometimes you just can't win.

What's broken mean?

Yesterday during worship at church Callie was in her usual spot, front and center, singing and dancing her dolls on the stage as she stood before it.  The song was Hosanna by Paul Baloche and one line states, "In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new,  You make us new."  As soon as that line finished she rushed over to me and said, "Mom, what's broken mean?"  I was already feeling emotional from a long week and tears were threatening to spill over just from weariness as I held her face in my hands and said, "It means hearts - broken hearts Callie."

She rushed back to her spot to continue singing and memories of her face when she first came filled my head.  She was beautiful, but her face lacked all expression and she was a perfect example of a broken life. Then I watched her continue to dance her dolls and sing along - what an awesome vision of a broken life made new.  How grateful I am that God has allowed us to be a witness to her transformation and what hope it gives to me that He will continue to make lives new.

Dancing at the edge

For about a week now, we've had a child who is dancing at the edge, as we call it.  This means they walk right to the edge of misbehavior or a temper tantrum and then at the last minute step away.  It is exhausting to parent during those times as you never know when the cliff will be jumped.  Today the edge was stepped on in a store as the child threw down a toy, crossing the arms as they didn't get their way.  With a typical child I'd have scooped them up and out we'd gone.  This is not possible with this child.  Too big and they would likely have run top speed away from me which would have been incredibly upsetting to the other child with me and dangerous for the child who would have run.

Parenting children with attachment issues is a whole different kind of parenting.  Yes, you must hold them accountable, but in order to safely go through the day, sometimes concessions are made.  It's been a long week and Mark and I both feel as if we're walking the edge too - the edge of our own temper tantrum.  

Next weekend is our anniversary and boy could we have used some time away, but that is not to be.  Hopefully, next week will be calmer - hope does spring eternal, but frankly tonight, we're just very weary.  Perhaps tomorrow we will all take a big step away from the edge - that would sure be nice.