My Family

My Family
Here we all are!

Friday, November 30, 2012

National Adoption Month 2012 - Final Thoughts

As this year's month honoring and recognizing the importance of adoption closes I wanted to share some thoughts.  Adoption has been a part of my life, most of my life.  I have to remind myself sometimes that it is still a "foreign" idea to some people and one that they struggle to understand.

As a young child my parents had close friends who's two daughters were adopted.  My mother would often comment on how great it was that the adoption agency matched them to children who matched their physical traits - eye color, hair color, of course skin color.  This way no one would know they were adopted.  Clearly, the message was, adoption is a secret and somehow a shameful thing.  It seems so old-fashioned to me now, but when you see how many people spend thousands to achieve a biological child, even to the point of having a surrogate carry their biology, it's not so old school.  

I understand the desire to experience pregnancy and birth and as someone who was easily able to achieve that I don't want to be insensitive.  For me, the end goal would have been to be a parent, not of a child who looked like or had personality traits similar to my own,  just to be able to be a parent and have children that were mine.  May I add, having biological children is no guarantee that your offspring will be like or even look like you.  We all know people with bio kids who we've thought - wow how did that happen?

Just last week I helped out in Jacob's classroom and heard quite a few kids ask Jacob incredulously, "Is that your mother?"   He'd reply yes and then the obvious follow-up, "I didn't know you were adopted." Oh how Jacob loves those conversations.  In a few years it'll move on to the, "Don't you want to know who your real parents are?" or "Don't you miss your real parents?",  Comments my older adopted kids have heard.

My point is - for those who are sick and tired of hearing about adoption, I'm sorry, but until the day kids meet our family and rather than questioning our relationship they will simply say, "Cool."  It may take another generation of teaching and so I will continue, like I have a choice.

My request, plea really, is that you take the time to talk to those you know or parent and discuss family and the variety of ways God makes families and that it has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with how you look or even what you like to do.  

It is fiercely, and I mean fiercely,  pursuing connections with each other and claiming over and over again - we are family.  We are a chosen family - God made us a family and chose our family by picking each and every one of you specifically for this family.  He chose us as your parents and each of your siblings to be your brothers and sisters.  You may question why, as every child in every family does, but we were meant to be together - so deal with it.  No one's going anywhere and you can count on that.

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