And Then There Was One

About a month ago we removed the G-tube that Christian has had since birth. We really hadn't used it for the past year, but since he depended on it for so long we really wanted to wait till we knew he'd never need it again and that time had come.

For those who are unfamiliar with the term G-tube it is short for gastrostomy tube.  An incision is made directly through the abdomen and into the stomach.  There are different reasons that necessitate their use.  For Shannon, it was because she could not drink enough to sustain herself and grow properly and she also inhaled quite a lot of her liquids and frequently developed pneumonia because of it.  Callie and Christian were both premies and with sensory issues and an inability to suck they needed them as a bridge until they could overcome those obstacles and eat.

Tube feeding has been a hot topic numerous times in the media as it relates to end of life issues.  For our kids it has improved their quality of life, and yes, increased their lives as well.   For Shannon it is what sustains her and without it she just wouldn't survive. There are obviously times that their use don't make sense, but that is a subject for a different time.

Christian's reaction to the G-tube's removal was really interesting.  It was almost as if we removed a part of his body, which, after 13 years it kind of was.  He kept pulling up his shirt and showing it to us and we kept reassuring him it'd be all right.  And so it is.

Shannie's G-tube was placed at about 2 1/2yrs. of age. Callie had one when she came at almost 3 years of age.  Ella who is 10 months younger than Callie was thoroughly confused as to why all the little girls in our house had this tube on their belly but her.  She kept pulling up her shirt looking for her "button", which is the nickname for a G-tube.

Callie's G-tube fell out about 6 months after she came home from her foster home and we were unable to reinsert it.  She had been doing well eating by mouth, but we had intended to leave it in a bit to be sure.  No need to worry she's been just fine without it.  Other than the occasional leaking through the hole, that never completely closed, when she drinks a lot it's just fine.


In our family G-tubes have been a part of life for the past 13 years and as long as our Shannie is with us we will be a G-tube family, but it does feel good to be down to one.

And Then There Was One

Dude, I'm not joking - just not funny

A facebook friend recently posted this photo and caption.  I was the first to comment and had to say that as an adoptive mom I was really having a hard time finding the humor in this.  I also had to add that I do pride myself on my awesome sense of humor.  However, I was not able to find the humor in this picture and yes, I do get that these children are clearly twins.



The responses after mine generally took me to task for not lightening up.  Several of those who took me to task were themselves adults who had been adopted.  One person in particular was very aggressive towards me and made several false assumptions as to what type of parent I am.  I also asked for a reality check with several dear friends who are also adoptive parents.  Their conclusion was also that this was just not funny.

One woman's facebook comment was that adoption was never a stigma in her family and implied I'm raising my kids with a victim's mentality.  Ironically this caption is simply a propagation of the stigma of adoption - that somehow you are a lesser family member because you are adopted.

There are many ways to look at the supportive responses particularly from the adoptive adults.  From appearances neither of these adults likely were immediately recognized by others as adopted.  They were caucasian and likely their adoptive parents were caucasian as well.  It is a much different experience to go through life having to explain that you are adopted every time someone meets your family.  Having adopted both caucasian and other race children I've experienced this personally as well.

Two experiences stick out in my mind.  Kelsey was a blue eyed blond infant when we adopted her.  I took her along with our 2 biological brown eyed sons to a shoe store.  The retailer looked at my sons and then at her and asked me where she got her blue eyes.  Not wishing to get into a big discussion - trying to get in and out quickly with an infant, toddler and very busy 4 yr. old - I replied, "My mother had blue eyes."  This was a truthful statement, but of course not entirely true.  However, I did not have to explain to a complete stranger about my daughter's adoption.  This is not a choice I can make with my youngest children.

Just about 2 years ago my daughter Melissa and I were wedding dress shopping.  Melissa was adopted from South Korea and we entered the bridal store together sitting side by side at the registry desk.  They asked Melissa about when the wedding was etc.  After filling in her information they looked at me and said, "And you are?"  Maybe they really never assume the mother-type person sitting next to the young bride is, in fact,  the mother of the bride.  However, I'm likely to think if we were of the same race that is exactly the assumption that would be made.

I remember my mother talking about her friend who had two adopted daughters and how wonderful it was that they were able to match their physical characteristics so people wouldn't know they were adopted.  Clearly, the message was that it was not something you'd want to explain to people nor necessarily want them to know.  You didn't want the stigma of adoption to follow them.

It's still difficult for me to understand why these two adults were so adamantly defending the posting of this offensively captioned picture.  It is my job to promote the positive perception of adoption as an adoptive mother.  As a Christian, I also take adoption very seriously.  We believe, as Christians,  that we are adopted by God into His family and there is no greater gift than that.

Cookies with Kaia

Yesterday I got to have my Grandgirlies over for the day while mom and dad worked.  Kaia, 2 1/2, and I made cookies.  I found a cookie sheet that has Christmas shapes built in so you just push the dough in.  For a little one it seemed just the right amount of work.  As we were mixing the dough and pushing it into the pan I started thinking about my mother.

My mom died when I was 19 and was never able to enjoy grandparenting.  I was so sad for all she has missed.   I think she would have enjoyed it.  She might not have enjoyed the domestic type projects we were pursuing yesterday, but she would have loved to have taken the kids to plays, concerts, museums or movies.  How much she has missed.  I felt a  burden yesterday - of the joyful kind, if that's possible - to somehow make my mother a part of our day.

So, I enjoyed every minute of yesterday.  I was experiencing the joy for the both of us.  I miss you mom.

Feed the World?

Ella, Jacob and I were out for dinner.  The Christmas song, "Let them know it's Christmas Time", which has the refrain, "Feed the World" in it was playing overhead.  Jacob mistakenly thought they said feed the squirrels.  Of course I burst out laughing.  Ella shook her head and said, "See this is why I don't like going out with you two.  First Jacob says something funny and then you laugh too loud and I think to myself, I'm not with this white woman."  She, of course, continues with how she knows we're her family and she 's happy to be here.  She's way too thoughtful to just leave the slam where it is, even though it's completely tongue in cheek.

Youtube is for Eternity

I was reciting John 3:16 with Callie the other night and I asked her - eternal life - where will you spend eternal life?  She thought a minute and blurted - "Youtube".  That girl just cracks me up.  We repeated the same scenario last night and she replied, "Crazy ride".  I think we'll move on tonight - not sure I want to hear her next description.

That is not how I envision heaven at all, but with her current obsession with amusement rides this apparently signifies paradise.  Perhaps it's the possibility of all her fears dissolving, never needing her earmuffs to cover up the myriad of noises that daily assault her hearing and send her running from rooms or hugging the earmuffs tightly to her head.

I envision heaven for Callie being a place where she can run, play, dance and sing without worries of sudden noises.  Where her senses can take in all the sounds, smells and sights with joyous abandon and without fear of any kind.  How awesome that will be - seeing all my kids with all their earthly chains - physical disabilities, cognitive delays, mental health issues, learning disabilities - freed to express and experience everything to the fullest will truly be heaven for me too.

To quote a song we used to sing, "Heaven is a wonderful place - filled with glory and grace"

Chris turns 21!

Christopher turns 21 today.  He is the only child who has lived under our roof with every sibling.  Other than a few months at a time none of the other older siblings has lived with their younger siblings.  When Ella was very young he made her call him "boss" which she still calls him.  There was a a time when that annoyed me and now it's just kind of funny.

                                                           Happy Birthday Chris!

Other Centered Santa

Most years Ella and Jacob have seen Santa at our foster son Robby's group home.  This Santa is different than other Santa's.  He 's very other centered.  He does let the kids tell him what they want for Christmas, but also talks about giving to others.

Jacob got on his lap and Santa asked him if he'd been good.  Jacob hesitated and Santa looked at Ella - let's ask someone who doesn't know you  - knowing perfectly well they were siblings.  Ella didn't seem sure how to answer - she hesitantly answered, "yes to the has he been good question."  On the way home Ella explained to Jacob that Santa doesn't expect perfection.  She continued that he's really just expecting more of a 50/50 good to bad ratio.

Santa then asked Ella what she wanted and she kept hedging with I don't know.  He said, "Let's put it this way. What would make you happy?"  She said, "Mom I thought I have everything that makes me happy  - friends, family and comfort.  He gave me two choices.  I could either write him a note asking for something for myself or I could give up my request and he would get a toy for someone who doesn't have any.  I was thinking maybe I could do both.  Something small for me and something for someone else."  I love that she was giving it so much thought.  Seemed like character building on her part.

Now on the other hand Christian totally reenacted a scene from the movie "Elf".  When Santa walked in he excitedly pointed and shouted, "I know him"!  A good time had by all.