Why the Rush?

I rarely, as in 3 or 4 times a year maybe, go to the Mall of America.  This week - twice.  Once to walk with a friend, which was great as the below temps made walking outside impossible.  Today after discussing several options I agreed to take Ella and Jacob to the mall and purchase a small lego toy if they walked around it with me twice which is equal to a mile.  So off we went.

As soon as we entered the doors we could see that there was obviously a cheerleading competition of some sort going on.  Girls in too short skirts with thick make up, including very young girls, maybe 5 or 6 yrs. old, big bows in their hair.  It's an odd juxtaposition to see the girlish ponytails with little girl bows, but adult faces with their make up.

There were several disturbing scenarios I observed.  One was a family who had matching T-shirts reading Jacey's Mom, Jacey's Dad, Jacey's Bro and lastly Jacey's Man.  JACEY'S MAN!!  These kids were maybe 16 yrs. old.  What were her parents thinking?  Don't even get me started on referring to this  kid as a man.  Sheesh.

I've never understood why some people seem to be in such a rush to have their children grow up.  Childhood is an incredibly short time.  We should cherish it and stretch it just as far as we possibly can enjoying every last second of it, not hurry our children into an early adulthood.

It made me oh so grateful for my level headed daughter.  When we arrived today we parked and had to walk through the store Forever 21, a store that would be very attractive to most girls her age.  We couldn't walk through the store fast enough for her, except maybe when she's passing the American Girl store.  Nothing there turned her eye.

I had to beg her to try on hoodies in a different store, but she tried on the first one I handed to her and she said, "that's fine".  There are times I wish she would take an interest in girly type things or the clothes she wears, but I'll take her lack of fashion interest over a girly girl any day and I will squeeze every last second out of her much too quickly waning childhood.  Adulthood can wait.

Who's a Pretty Girl?

A couple days ago Sassafras asked me to pineapple her hair for bed.  This is the process of putting her twists atop her head with a binder so she can get her satin bonnet on.  Anyway, I did and she started prancing around saying, "Look I'm a Vegas showgirl!".  After laughing hysterically - gotta admit tis funny - I had two thoughts.  First was, where in heaven's name did she learn about Vegas showgirls?  Secondly, over YOUR dead body cause momma will take you out before you look to Vegas for employment.

After the verbal attacks she's endured to her physique the past 6 mos. or so I almost wanted to applaud. My girl has such a firm understanding of her worth.  Since the time she was tiny I would hold her up in front of the bathroom mirror exclaiming - "Who is the pretty girl in the mirror?"  "Who's a beautiful girl?"  She would grin from ear to ear and when old enough would, of course, answer "ME!".  "That's right precious girl - you",  I would reply.

Now, before you think I only praise her for her appearance let me make myself clear.  The reason I do emphasize her appearance, along with her amazing personality traits, is because I know full well that my girl is not the American standard of beauty.  I know, many who know her will argue with me.  I agree she is beautiful.  But, go into any store with a magazine rack right now and tell me you see any cover girl with skin the color of my girl and natural hair, or in her case this week one with yarn twists including blue yarn - it's called a protective style, by the way.  Not a chance.  What you'll find are covers highlighting articles titled, "Fuss Free Hair - 5 best summer styling secrets" or  "No more frizz!  Smooth, Pretty Hair".   Let me just stop there.  Smooth pretty hair?  Really.  I know I  know - some people will say, but I have curly hair or my daughter has curly hair - she has that "problem" too. There are curling irons to straighten out those caucasian locks, if one so desires  - this doesn't work on my girlies.  Even if through chemical processing and ironing etc. it was relatively "straight"  it would never blow in the wind or flip over her shoulder.  She was trying to blow her twist out of her face the other day - like some of her friends do - and, of course couldn't.

So, I've decided I will not be renewing my subscriptions to these magazines when renewal time comes around and will instead be getting magazines with cover girls who mirror my cover girls.  I won't be inviting in possible attacks on their self worth and their dad and I will continue to tell them how gorgeous they are, along with how amazing they are, how smart they are, how confident they are, how loving and caring and generous and funny and clever and sweet and brave and resourceful and most of all how much God loves them exactly the way they are no matter what.

Road Trip

I'm so excited that in 5 days Ella, Jacob and I are going on vacation.  It will be an awesome road trip and we will have tons of fun and it will be the highlight of our summer.

For several summers now I've wanted to find a cabin where we could take all our family - all 19 of us for a long weekend.  Someplace where Shannie could come with us as well.  I always feel a little uncomfortable when the summer ends and we weren't able to take all the kids on a vacation.  I've found several reunion cabins that are wheelchair accessible,  but the cost is more than we can handle.  Hopefully some day we'll be able to pull it off. For now we'll enjoy the summer, although it's really a scorcher.

I'd also love, love, love,  a long luxurious vacation with Mark.  A whole week someplace warm around our anniversary, or any time I guess.  No place in particular, but just a relaxing time together.  Someday they'll be time, oh and money, for that. For now I'm packing and planning a road trip.  Something I enjoy so much more now that I get to stop whenever I want, whenever we need to.  Not like when I was a passenger, whenever dad needed to stop.  It's one of the joys of adulthood I really relish.  I get to be in charge - woo hoo.

Feed the World?

Ella, Jacob and I were out for dinner.  The Christmas song, "Let them know it's Christmas Time", which has the refrain, "Feed the World" in it was playing overhead.  Jacob mistakenly thought they said feed the squirrels.  Of course I burst out laughing.  Ella shook her head and said, "See this is why I don't like going out with you two.  First Jacob says something funny and then you laugh too loud and I think to myself, I'm not with this white woman."  She, of course, continues with how she knows we're her family and she 's happy to be here.  She's way too thoughtful to just leave the slam where it is, even though it's completely tongue in cheek.

Cultural Literacy - Sort Of

I take my role as a caucasian mother raising AA children very seriously.  So much cultural information that  a AA child might pick up just being in a black family or community generally becomes a purposeful conversation for us.  Some are important pieces of history or teaching racial slurs so they know when they are being insulted - a coping skill they definitely need to know.  Then there are the hilarious or absurd conversations as the one we had last night.

My Ella is a very curvy girl already and will become more so as she grows and giving her a good self image is utmost on my mind when I look at how quickly she is physically maturing.  So conversations such as we had in the car last night are important for us to have.  What a huge disservice I would do to my daughter to send her out into the world completely ignorant to her history and culture.  Therefore, we had a talk about big butts - yes a very cultural conversation.

While switching stations they were listening to a hip hop song which had a reference to a girl's big backyard - not sure they heard it, but I started gabbing that many hip hop songs make references to, well, big butts - which is cultural.  So, I started telling Ella what a great apple bottom she has and how when a black woman asks, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" and someone says yes - this is the answer they're hoping to hear.  On the other hand, a white woman would likely be insulted.  "Isn't that silly," I said.

Then I launched into the song from Sir Mix-A-Lot that they know from Shrek, "I like big butts and I cannot lie!"

Another year older

When I was turning 50 and was having a little trouble with that age - for one reason my mother died at 49 and I thought she was old then - a wise woman told me, it's only a number. I've never forgotten that and now that I'm turning 55 - half way through that 5th decade I still choose to embrace the fact that it's only a number.

So, I've been asking people if we celebrate golden birthdays, well here in MN we do, which is the year you turn the age of your birthdate then what happens when you turn the age of the year you were born? Then I thought at least half my kids will probably never celebrate that year - or did when they were too young to appreciate it. Yet another reason to be happy I was born in 1955.

Now I'm thinking I should set some lofty goals for this year. That I'll have to think about. The past 3 or 4 mos. we've been in survival mode, so the goal was simply making it through one day at a time. I hate living that way as it tends to suck the joy out of life. Starting today - I'm going to make some intentional goals. The first goal is to get our eating under control. We've only made it to the farmer's market once or twice this summer - generally we've gone weekly. Today's goal is to make a healthy menu plan and shop for it. It does make it trickier when the weather is so hot and we don't like to run the oven when the air is on, but we'll figure it out.

Another exciting event this week was Jacob started school at a charter school that we've been on the waiting list for and the first day of school they called to let us know there was an opening for Ella. Amazingly, the seat available was right next to one of her best friends and the class has 3 other friends. Such an above and beyond answer to prayer. She is grieving the loss of her old school, but I know she is where she should be and that that will pass.

Today I plan to enjoy and be grateful for this day, no matter what challenges it may bring.

Good day

We did something with Shannon today that I don't think I would have considered trying before her surgery. We went on a 1 and 1/2 hr. river boat tour. It would have been much too risky to try before her surgery due to her "fussiness" - which was actually very serious pain I'm sure. She can sit much more comfortably in her chair now. Jonathan and Jill came with us, which was awesome as well.

Shannon was also able to spend two evenings with Linda and Paul for the first time in a month. It was great to have her out of the house - and I can't imagine how great it was for her to be at Linda and Paul's - her second family.

Jacob went to his open house at the new school he will be attending. He's very excited and we're excited for him. This school is a great fit for him. Hopefully, Ella, who is on the waiting list, will get in soon as well. This school starts a month before our local school and apparently many parents use it for a month of free day care and then drop out right before their local school starts - tacky! Anyway, that'd be to our advantage if it gets Ella in.

We tried to make this past week a really fun one for Jacob - Valleyfair, a movie, lunch and dinner out and the riverboat ride. Right now dad has them at the Y pool. He is counting the days till school starts - so - here's to hoping that excitement lasts.

A full plate

It's another week when we just have too much on our plate to finish and we're totally stuffed. It seems as if every time we think we've finished one course someone brings us another one. Some of the courses are delicious and enjoyable and some are bitter and poorly seasoned.

Jacob has a spot at a charter school which is a delectable dish. Ella now moves to the first in line for her grade, so hopefully she will get in this year as well. She is not as excited as Jacob as she has good friends at school she doesn't want to leave, but as social as she is she will do just fine. The only stickler is the school is year round and starts on Aug. 9. We had some fun stuff planned for Aug. he will miss, so hopefully that won't cause him too much angst.

Last night there was a thunder storm and Callie girl HATES thunder. With her sensitivity to sound - especially unexpected ones - they are just terrorizing. She ended up sleeping with her "ear muffs" - Peltor sound protectors. She had them on all night. It's so sad to me as I love a good thunder storm.

Hopefully today will be a day to finish a dish and get closer to dessert - I LOVE dessert!

Woo-Hoo Shannie

Well, today's goal of backing off of the meds has been a HUGE! success. She had her last dose of Tylenol almost 12 hrs. tonight and the same for one of the anti-spasm medications. What a relief! We were so worried she would be uncomfortable without them, but she's doing just great. What a tough cookie.

After taking Ella's hair out I was having trouble getting all the tangles out - so had to have more instruction from the daughter-in-law who is personally in the know. I should have washed it before trying to brush and then comb it out. 9 years dealing with her hair and I'm still learning - either I'm really slow or it's really that much work. I chose #2 since most black women pay someone else to "fix" their hair too - not so much into the do-it-yourself hair.

Last night our electricity went out about 4AM and didn't come back on till almost 8. Callie and Christian had speech, so had to be out the door before that - so they grabbed breakfast on the way and were a little messy, but they got there. I was soooo grateful it came back on before Shannie woke up and I had to open the fridge for her food. We are also well, as in water well, people - so no electricity, no water. Never a good thing to be without in our house.

So, here's hoping tonight is a restful night. We will give Shannon her nighttime meds as late as possible and hope she sleeps all night - it sure would be awesome to sleep without setting a middle of the night alarm.

Sisterly love

Tonight Ella and some friends from church were together for bible study and as they shared prayer requests Ella shared about Shannie's hospital bed, which led to a discussion about the accessible bathroom we - and by we I mean Mark - are working on. One of the girls asked about how Shannie uses the bathroom and Ella promptly responded - "that's classified". Funny girl - way to protect your sister's privacy Ella.

We spent several hours undoing Ella's hair today. Hopefully, we can make an appt. sometime over the next week for a redo. It sure was nice to have a ready to go hair do every day. She kept saying how much she missed her hair and how special she felt with it and now she felt just like everyone else. Oh, Ella, you are so not like everyone else.

I think tomorrow we will try weaning off of the every 4 hr. dose of Tylenol. It's hard when Shannon is unable to tell us ahead of time whether she thinks she still needs it or not, so trial and error is our only course. We can also remove the main bandage, but the steri strips will come off slowly and surely - slowly is usually our experience.

Beautiful Eyes

Yesterday Ella was invited to a new friend's house. She was in heaven as her friend has horses, among other things. A lovely home and only one older sibling - like going to Mars for Ella.

After she came home she was standing in the kitchen and asked me if I thought she had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. I was taken aback. Of course I think she is gorgeous, but it's not something I often tell her. She said her friend's mom had made this comment about her eyes. A bit later I found her in the bathroom "smiling" at her eyes. That mom has no idea the impact of that simple statement.

In the world we live in it is blue eyed blondes which rule the beauty mark, so to speak. So for that mom to state - really the obvious - just made this mom and that 8 yr. old's day.

End of the year - End of the decade

As I was contemplating where I was 10 years ago I realized that although the years do fly by faster the older I get - I'm amazed at all that has happened this past decade. Our family doubled!

Ten years ago my oldest child was 25 - my youngest was 9. In this past decade we added 4 children, married off 2, had one experience a divorce and remarriage and welcomed 2 grandchildren into our ever expanding family. Perhaps the weirdest thing is that as we enter this decade our youngest is now 6. At this rate we'll never finish raising kids - which, I've learned this past decade, you never really finish doing anyway.

There is definitely a reason the Lord doesn't allow us to see into the future. How many experiences would we miss - both good and bad - if we knew the outcome beforehand. How many lessons would go unlearned and how very anxious we would be about life. If we doubled in the last decade - what will happen in the next one? OK - that is making me a little anxious.

I've was never a big fan of New Year's resolutions until I past my 5th decade. Somehow, goals seem more important to me now. Perhaps it's because I realize how easily a year can slip through your fingers and although my day to day life is generally set out for me, I do want to be a bit more deliberate through my days. It just seems in this family spontaneity is the key to, well sanity. If you don't make plans you can't be disappointed when they don't work out. This however has lead to a huge lack of a social life, because other people do plan. So, deliberateness, if that's a word, is a goal.

I probably have some of the same goals many people have - drink more water, eat better, lose that 10 lbs., exercise etc. Other goals I hesitate to state as I don't know if I have the true ambition to achieve them.

I always wanted to write a book, and have been told often I should write about our family - but so much of our story is personal and I'm not sure I want to share it nor that I should share it. I have a tendency to be too open sometimes and must remind myself to respect the privacy of my children and that their stories are just that - their stories. I've been telling Ella lately that she should keep a journal and write down some of her experiences growing up in this family. She has such insight sometimes and lives a life that really non of her peers could possibly understand. Perhaps that is my New Year's resolution for her.

For now, I think I'll stick to the goal of blogging on a more regular basis. I'm never good on the specifics of a goal, but let's just say - at least 4 times a week. I guess next year when I look back on this I'll find out whether I made it past the month of January. Goals are just that - goals. They are not finish lines right?

Happy New Year Everyone!

Funny start to the day

As we're trying to put together breakfast and such I hear Callie yelling "Mom Mom" from the living room. I round the corner to see her completely naked. Laughing I say let's get you dressed. As I open the door to her room, which she shares with Ella, I hear Ella say - Mom I couldn't do anything because I was naked too. I laughed and said, "Oh, Ella she just doesn't get it." Ella said, with a sigh, "No mom and she never will." We had a good giggle and then I thought - oh, please Lord I sure hope she does - get it I mean. I love those silly girls and my very understanding El-Bell - she sure loves her sister.

Spring break - Wednesday and Thursday

Yesterday Jacob had his therapy appt. and while he was playing games with Kathy Ella and I spent some DEAR - drop everything and read - time . After discussing the plan for school next year - which is first grade with pull-outs for special ed. help she recommended we repeat Kindergarten with a full day program. Mark and I had talked about that - there are a couple reasons we're not thrilled with that idea, but my gut tells me that'd be the best plan. We'll confer with the school psychologist and his SpEd teacher and see if they think it's a good idea as well.

After that we went to an outdoor park - free - and the weather was a bit windy, but the kids didn't care. After dinner Ella, Callie and I headed out for practice at church. The girls are "flagging" with 2 other kids their age while 6 older kids/teens are using sticks to the song "Arise My Love". Callie was bummed because she wanted to use the sticks - she was with Julie, our pastor's wife when she bought them, so we figured she became attached to them for some reason. The other hard part is the song ends with a loud boom - which Callie referred to as a thunderstorm and ran crying from the room. We've practiced a few times at home and I've talked to her about being brave so we'll see.

Gotta run - dinner - more later.

Spring break day one

So, we are on a very tight budget right now and the kids are on spring break. This morning I told Ella we need to find as many free things to do this week as possible. Today's free deal is Ella and Jacob are on their way with daddy to the Y in Eagan which has a water slide. We already have a membership, so no extra cost. Hopefully it's entertaining and they come home tired and happy.
The weather is yuck for now, so all outdoor freebies are a no go.

Yesterday on the way to church as I had to admit the several inches of snow we got was very beautiful hanging on the trees Ella said - Mom - it looks like heaven. Well, what can ya say - we're on the way to church don't ya know. She is definitely a cup half full sorta gal. She and daddy had their picture taken Sat. as they packed Easter bags for Here's Life Inner City - another freebie now that I think of it - and it was put in the Sun. paper. Kinda fun. She's been photographed for the Star Tribune twice in her short 7 years. The first time was almost 3 years ago when the paper did an article on our family and there were many photos of us all. The photographer and journalist followed us for about 6 months. It was a fascinating experience and the kids thought it was "normal" to have a photographer follow you around and take your picture everywhere you went - for sure the most photographed 6 months of their lives, or ours for that matter.

I took Callie to the eye doctor who was thrilled that she continues to progress as she has. We always have to giggle as she hardly ever wears her glasses - has thrown 2 pairs out of moving vehicles. Not a real incentive for us to keep replacing them. They generally stay safely in her glasses case in her backpack going back and forth to school. So, when they say - wow she's doing great just keep doing what you're doing. We crack up and inside we're thinking - oh, you mean nothing - great we'll keep doing that. She's just such an amazing kid and God has healed so many of the emotional and physical scars she came with. We just lean back and watch - in awe of the strength of her spirit and the power of God's touch.