A couple days ago Sassafras asked me to pineapple her hair for bed. This is the process of putting her twists atop her head with a binder so she can get her satin bonnet on. Anyway, I did and she started prancing around saying, "Look I'm a Vegas showgirl!". After laughing hysterically - gotta admit tis funny - I had two thoughts. First was, where in heaven's name did she learn about Vegas showgirls? Secondly, over YOUR dead body cause momma will take you out before you look to Vegas for employment.
After the verbal attacks she's endured to her physique the past 6 mos. or so I almost wanted to applaud. My girl has such a firm understanding of her worth. Since the time she was tiny I would hold her up in front of the bathroom mirror exclaiming - "Who is the pretty girl in the mirror?" "Who's a beautiful girl?" She would grin from ear to ear and when old enough would, of course, answer "ME!". "That's right precious girl - you", I would reply.
Now, before you think I only praise her for her appearance let me make myself clear. The reason I do emphasize her appearance, along with her amazing personality traits, is because I know full well that my girl is not the American standard of beauty. I know, many who know her will argue with me. I agree she is beautiful. But, go into any store with a magazine rack right now and tell me you see any cover girl with skin the color of my girl and natural hair, or in her case this week one with yarn twists including blue yarn - it's called a protective style, by the way. Not a chance. What you'll find are covers highlighting articles titled, "Fuss Free Hair - 5 best summer styling secrets" or "No more frizz! Smooth, Pretty Hair". Let me just stop there. Smooth pretty hair? Really. I know I know - some people will say, but I have curly hair or my daughter has curly hair - she has that "problem" too. There are curling irons to straighten out those caucasian locks, if one so desires - this doesn't work on my girlies. Even if through chemical processing and ironing etc. it was relatively "straight" it would never blow in the wind or flip over her shoulder. She was trying to blow her twist out of her face the other day - like some of her friends do - and, of course couldn't.
So, I've decided I will not be renewing my subscriptions to these magazines when renewal time comes around and will instead be getting magazines with cover girls who mirror my cover girls. I won't be inviting in possible attacks on their self worth and their dad and I will continue to tell them how gorgeous they are, along with how amazing they are, how smart they are, how confident they are, how loving and caring and generous and funny and clever and sweet and brave and resourceful and most of all how much God loves them exactly the way they are no matter what.
My Family
Here we all are!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
My Thoughts on Income Taxes
Mark and I are always a little flummoxed by all the complaining about income taxes. You see we have a solution to this problem. Our solution allowed us to pay no income taxes whatsoever for 10 years - completely legally. What is this amazing plan you might ask? Well, just have more dependents than you have income and voila - no taxes.
I won't say it's an easy way out of taxes, but it is effective and, I might add, a very fulfilling life. So it'll save you from seeking meaning in life - not enough time and your meaning is living under your roof. You won't have nearly as much time to complain about how much you have to pay in taxes or wonder why you should have to pay your hard earned money in taxes. Just work really really hard, make a modest income and support too many people with said modest income.
I'm pretty sure a financial advisor wouldn't recommend it as a great investment, but I'm pretty confident Jesus would. Works for us.
I won't say it's an easy way out of taxes, but it is effective and, I might add, a very fulfilling life. So it'll save you from seeking meaning in life - not enough time and your meaning is living under your roof. You won't have nearly as much time to complain about how much you have to pay in taxes or wonder why you should have to pay your hard earned money in taxes. Just work really really hard, make a modest income and support too many people with said modest income.
I'm pretty sure a financial advisor wouldn't recommend it as a great investment, but I'm pretty confident Jesus would. Works for us.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Privacy - Not a Chance
Most of my children have grown up without the opposite gender's body being a mystery. Generally, I'm guessing, families who have both genders eventually have to address issues of modesty and privacy and appropriate behaviors in the home. When you have a family like ours, it's much more complicated.
Some of our children are unable to protect their privacy. If they have to go to the bathroom they just go, even if it means running to the bathroom without clothing, or perhaps pulling down their pants on the way to the bathroom. These are things we are working on, but it also means that Ella and Jacob occasionally get an eyeful. More than once I've heard, "Mom, (so and so's) naked!" We're working on it, but it takes time - lots of time - and in some cases these skills may never be fully conquered.
Tonight Daddy and big brother Jonathan were preparing Shannie for her shower. Ella walked by her room, turned around and asked them to close the door. Although, I think she was more interested in protecting her eyes than Shannie's dignity, I complimented her on thinking of Shannie. This is not to say Dad and Jon weren't thinking of her, but in our house sometimes time is of the essence and in the need to speedily accomplish the task we forget to, oh, I don't know, close the door.
So, a warning to all who may enter our abode. It is possible you may get an eyeful you didn't want. I promise you that it will not involve either parent in this house, but other than that, all bets are off. I do promise - there's never a dull moment. If you're good with that, then come on over.
Some of our children are unable to protect their privacy. If they have to go to the bathroom they just go, even if it means running to the bathroom without clothing, or perhaps pulling down their pants on the way to the bathroom. These are things we are working on, but it also means that Ella and Jacob occasionally get an eyeful. More than once I've heard, "Mom, (so and so's) naked!" We're working on it, but it takes time - lots of time - and in some cases these skills may never be fully conquered.
Tonight Daddy and big brother Jonathan were preparing Shannie for her shower. Ella walked by her room, turned around and asked them to close the door. Although, I think she was more interested in protecting her eyes than Shannie's dignity, I complimented her on thinking of Shannie. This is not to say Dad and Jon weren't thinking of her, but in our house sometimes time is of the essence and in the need to speedily accomplish the task we forget to, oh, I don't know, close the door.
So, a warning to all who may enter our abode. It is possible you may get an eyeful you didn't want. I promise you that it will not involve either parent in this house, but other than that, all bets are off. I do promise - there's never a dull moment. If you're good with that, then come on over.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Listen to your Gut
I have a few basic pieces of advice I like to pass on to young parents. One of the most basic is - listen to your gut. No one - no matter what their training or diplomas say, know your child better than you do. You, only you, as parents are the experts when it comes to your kids.
Today Shannie had an arthrogram and a steroid injection into her left hip. She has had two hip surgeries called derotational osteotomy on the hip and once on her right side. She has what is called a wind swept left hip - both her legs sweep to the right. It causes her left hip to pull out of it's socket and yes, it's as painful as it sounds.
Today the arthrogram showed that her left hip is once again pulling out. It's not completely dislocated, but it is sometimes slipping out, which is why it is inflamed and causing pain. When discussing how to avoid further inflaming the hip, we asked about the use of the stander. A stander is something she is strapped into while laying down and then it is put into a standing position. Shannie has never been a fan and therefore neither have we.
From our experience physical therapists are huge fans of standers. Our guts have always said - not worth the time, energy and discomfort that Shannie experiences while in them. Today we heard the same response from our favorite surgeon. His reasoning matched our own - a chair dependent person has no need to spend time in the stander or having range of motion (ROM), which is basically stretching her muscles, on the troublesome hip.
Now, in spite of the fact my gut had told me we were right to avoid both the stander and range of motion here at home the insistence of the professionals made me doubt. We refused to have a stander here and I'm glad we stuck to that decision. Today a top specialist surgeon confirmed that our guts had again, not steered us wrong and we now have a prescription in hand telling the powers that be at school to cease and desist all stander and ROM until further notice, which in his words would be till he is no longer in practice. To that I say - Hallelujah!
If the steroid injections fail to stave off the pain, the surgeon mentioned another possible surgical option. It's called the femoral head osteotomy (FHO). It is basically the removal of the femoral head and then, as I understand it, muscle is pulled over the end of the femur instead. Our surgeon has only done this surgery 15 times in his 20 years. It is more often used by veterinarians. Of course, we will be praying Shannie is not his 16th and that somehow the injections, no stander or range of motion will somehow be enough, but as is so often the case with our sweet Shannie-Boo, the easy road does not seem to be the path she gets to take.
We saw a young couple with a daughter who looked so much like our Shannie did when she was about 3 yrs. old sitting in the waiting room post procedure of some sort and our hearts broke for them. We know something of the path they will be on and how difficult it can be. The stress and strain on families and marriages of couples with special needs children is immense. The divorce rate is higher than for typical families - at least twice the rate.
Shannie brings us much joy as I'm sure their sweet daughter does, but it can be a hard road, especially for a young family. In our case, it's brought us even closer together. When it comes to our Shannie - don't even think about messing with our girl. We are a force of nature when we are in defense of her and I am so very grateful to have Mark to lean on and sometimes hold up when times are tough. It would be a very lonely road to travel alone.
For now, we should see some relief, and as we often remind ourselves to be grateful for good, comfortable days when our girl laughs, smiles and enjoys life. These are excellent days.
Today Shannie had an arthrogram and a steroid injection into her left hip. She has had two hip surgeries called derotational osteotomy on the hip and once on her right side. She has what is called a wind swept left hip - both her legs sweep to the right. It causes her left hip to pull out of it's socket and yes, it's as painful as it sounds.
Today the arthrogram showed that her left hip is once again pulling out. It's not completely dislocated, but it is sometimes slipping out, which is why it is inflamed and causing pain. When discussing how to avoid further inflaming the hip, we asked about the use of the stander. A stander is something she is strapped into while laying down and then it is put into a standing position. Shannie has never been a fan and therefore neither have we.
From our experience physical therapists are huge fans of standers. Our guts have always said - not worth the time, energy and discomfort that Shannie experiences while in them. Today we heard the same response from our favorite surgeon. His reasoning matched our own - a chair dependent person has no need to spend time in the stander or having range of motion (ROM), which is basically stretching her muscles, on the troublesome hip.
Now, in spite of the fact my gut had told me we were right to avoid both the stander and range of motion here at home the insistence of the professionals made me doubt. We refused to have a stander here and I'm glad we stuck to that decision. Today a top specialist surgeon confirmed that our guts had again, not steered us wrong and we now have a prescription in hand telling the powers that be at school to cease and desist all stander and ROM until further notice, which in his words would be till he is no longer in practice. To that I say - Hallelujah!
If the steroid injections fail to stave off the pain, the surgeon mentioned another possible surgical option. It's called the femoral head osteotomy (FHO). It is basically the removal of the femoral head and then, as I understand it, muscle is pulled over the end of the femur instead. Our surgeon has only done this surgery 15 times in his 20 years. It is more often used by veterinarians. Of course, we will be praying Shannie is not his 16th and that somehow the injections, no stander or range of motion will somehow be enough, but as is so often the case with our sweet Shannie-Boo, the easy road does not seem to be the path she gets to take.
We saw a young couple with a daughter who looked so much like our Shannie did when she was about 3 yrs. old sitting in the waiting room post procedure of some sort and our hearts broke for them. We know something of the path they will be on and how difficult it can be. The stress and strain on families and marriages of couples with special needs children is immense. The divorce rate is higher than for typical families - at least twice the rate.
Shannie brings us much joy as I'm sure their sweet daughter does, but it can be a hard road, especially for a young family. In our case, it's brought us even closer together. When it comes to our Shannie - don't even think about messing with our girl. We are a force of nature when we are in defense of her and I am so very grateful to have Mark to lean on and sometimes hold up when times are tough. It would be a very lonely road to travel alone.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Road Trip
I'm so excited that in 5 days Ella, Jacob and I are going on vacation. It will be an awesome road trip and we will have tons of fun and it will be the highlight of our summer.
For several summers now I've wanted to find a cabin where we could take all our family - all 19 of us for a long weekend. Someplace where Shannie could come with us as well. I always feel a little uncomfortable when the summer ends and we weren't able to take all the kids on a vacation. I've found several reunion cabins that are wheelchair accessible, but the cost is more than we can handle. Hopefully some day we'll be able to pull it off. For now we'll enjoy the summer, although it's really a scorcher.
I'd also love, love, love, a long luxurious vacation with Mark. A whole week someplace warm around our anniversary, or any time I guess. No place in particular, but just a relaxing time together. Someday they'll be time, oh and money, for that. For now I'm packing and planning a road trip. Something I enjoy so much more now that I get to stop whenever I want, whenever we need to. Not like when I was a passenger, whenever dad needed to stop. It's one of the joys of adulthood I really relish. I get to be in charge - woo hoo.
For several summers now I've wanted to find a cabin where we could take all our family - all 19 of us for a long weekend. Someplace where Shannie could come with us as well. I always feel a little uncomfortable when the summer ends and we weren't able to take all the kids on a vacation. I've found several reunion cabins that are wheelchair accessible, but the cost is more than we can handle. Hopefully some day we'll be able to pull it off. For now we'll enjoy the summer, although it's really a scorcher.
I'd also love, love, love, a long luxurious vacation with Mark. A whole week someplace warm around our anniversary, or any time I guess. No place in particular, but just a relaxing time together. Someday they'll be time, oh and money, for that. For now I'm packing and planning a road trip. Something I enjoy so much more now that I get to stop whenever I want, whenever we need to. Not like when I was a passenger, whenever dad needed to stop. It's one of the joys of adulthood I really relish. I get to be in charge - woo hoo.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Day 3 and final thoughts on the SO State Meet
Christian and Chad both had their 100M run and walk respectively. Chad did well and came in 4th which was great for him. Christian did great and came in first - a gold medal. He was quite proud of himself.
There are always so many characters who stand out in my mind. There's Joe who I observed in the staging area with a very crabby look on his face. A sweet young volunteer was just trying to make small talk and Joe loudly and expressively said, "I should be at work. I had to take two days off for this? I'd rather be at work". Poor volunteer had no idea what to say - I, on the other hand, tried hard to suppress my giggle.
Then there's Dennis - every time I saw him he was grinning and joking with everyone around him. His joy was just ridiculously contagious. Who wouldn't want to be around Dennis. He seemed to have an entourage everywhere he went - no wonder with his infectiously positive attitude.
There was also the young lady who walked with a walker and tipped over the curb falling down hard. The person with her couldn't get her up alone, but within seconds many hands had her up and were brushing her off. That's why many of us were there - because we care about this group of people - as a group and individually.
There are always so many characters who stand out in my mind. There's Joe who I observed in the staging area with a very crabby look on his face. A sweet young volunteer was just trying to make small talk and Joe loudly and expressively said, "I should be at work. I had to take two days off for this? I'd rather be at work". Poor volunteer had no idea what to say - I, on the other hand, tried hard to suppress my giggle.
Then there's Dennis - every time I saw him he was grinning and joking with everyone around him. His joy was just ridiculously contagious. Who wouldn't want to be around Dennis. He seemed to have an entourage everywhere he went - no wonder with his infectiously positive attitude.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Day Two Special Olympics Meet 2012
Today Callie had her 100M run definitely her best event. Thankfully it was the first event and our plan was to arrive without too much time before hand for her to get worked up about the starter guns. We had a little time to spend at the Olympic town before her run.
Soon, it was time to go to the staging area. The guns could now be heard and were frequent. She knew they were coming and that for her a whistle would be used. The rules allow for the use of a whistle upon request. This is quite the sore spot for me. There are so many athletes who have sensory issues and the guns are enough to keep them from competing in the first place. A mom in front of me said that their team practiced with two pieces of wood being slammed together - we practice with starter guns, but that's no assurance that on a particular day she won't have a meltdown.
Callie was now clasping her ear protectors firmly to her head and her body firmly against mine. We sat down in our assigned seat - Callie in my lap - not so easy to do anymore. I tried everything to distract her - sang songs, kissed her arms and cheeks reassured her again that the gun would not be used for her race.
Finally it was her turn. The miracle was that for at least 10 minutes before her race the guns had ceased. Thank you Lord for that. She was really excited to run. She loves to run. Are you getting the picture? The volunteer mentioned the gun and Callie jumped - I reassured her that the whistle would be used. I looked over and the starter man had the gun in hand. Oh, no, no, no I firmly said - no gun - whistle for Callie. The lady with the list of races checked her list questioning me and finally agreed that a whistle start was noted. I thought for a minute they were going to see a meltdown far surpassing Callie's last one if they didn't blow that darn whistle and put the gun away - not from Callie but from this Mama Bear.
At last all was settled and they were lined up ready to go. She took her mark. The whistle blew and a second before it was blown she took off. I thought they would stop the race as it was clearly a false start. As I was expecting the race to be stopped I just stood there. Clearly there was no stopping the race and I can see that Callie isn't stopping and no one is stopping her. She's running out of the track area and I am running as fast as I can to catch up to her. There must have been at least 10-15 volunteers at the end of her 100M, but no one stopped her. I ran as quickly as possible, but she's really fast. Thankfully, she stopped and I could reach her.
Now I was worried that she would be disqualified and one person was surprised they didn't have a restart and another said if it didn't change the outcome they'd just let it go. Oh, by the way, she came in first - way ahead of the pack. Again my Mama Bear was ready to meltdown if she didn't get the medal she clearly deserved because of her early start. But, no worries - she did get her gold medal and she was so proud - but not as proud as I was I'm sure. Callie shows us time and time again what an overcomer she is. That's my girl!
Christian had the running long jump, which was probably a bad choice on my part. It takes a lot of coordination to run, but not over the line before jumping. He scratched all three of his jumps. He took a participation ribbon, but he was fine with that.
Chad had the standing long jump. Mark watched him and he was pretty sure they were measuring in millimeters. He has huge finesse swinging his arms back and forth and back and forth and finally jumping like an inch and falling forward and rolling around like he's making sand angels. It's a hoot. For some crazy reason - has something to do with his division - he took the gold.
Olympic Town - Fun and Games
Chad getting his dance on.
Callie - clearly ahead of the pack.
Christian attempting his long jump.
Soon, it was time to go to the staging area. The guns could now be heard and were frequent. She knew they were coming and that for her a whistle would be used. The rules allow for the use of a whistle upon request. This is quite the sore spot for me. There are so many athletes who have sensory issues and the guns are enough to keep them from competing in the first place. A mom in front of me said that their team practiced with two pieces of wood being slammed together - we practice with starter guns, but that's no assurance that on a particular day she won't have a meltdown.
Callie was now clasping her ear protectors firmly to her head and her body firmly against mine. We sat down in our assigned seat - Callie in my lap - not so easy to do anymore. I tried everything to distract her - sang songs, kissed her arms and cheeks reassured her again that the gun would not be used for her race.
Finally it was her turn. The miracle was that for at least 10 minutes before her race the guns had ceased. Thank you Lord for that. She was really excited to run. She loves to run. Are you getting the picture? The volunteer mentioned the gun and Callie jumped - I reassured her that the whistle would be used. I looked over and the starter man had the gun in hand. Oh, no, no, no I firmly said - no gun - whistle for Callie. The lady with the list of races checked her list questioning me and finally agreed that a whistle start was noted. I thought for a minute they were going to see a meltdown far surpassing Callie's last one if they didn't blow that darn whistle and put the gun away - not from Callie but from this Mama Bear.
At last all was settled and they were lined up ready to go. She took her mark. The whistle blew and a second before it was blown she took off. I thought they would stop the race as it was clearly a false start. As I was expecting the race to be stopped I just stood there. Clearly there was no stopping the race and I can see that Callie isn't stopping and no one is stopping her. She's running out of the track area and I am running as fast as I can to catch up to her. There must have been at least 10-15 volunteers at the end of her 100M, but no one stopped her. I ran as quickly as possible, but she's really fast. Thankfully, she stopped and I could reach her.
Now I was worried that she would be disqualified and one person was surprised they didn't have a restart and another said if it didn't change the outcome they'd just let it go. Oh, by the way, she came in first - way ahead of the pack. Again my Mama Bear was ready to meltdown if she didn't get the medal she clearly deserved because of her early start. But, no worries - she did get her gold medal and she was so proud - but not as proud as I was I'm sure. Callie shows us time and time again what an overcomer she is. That's my girl!
Christian had the running long jump, which was probably a bad choice on my part. It takes a lot of coordination to run, but not over the line before jumping. He scratched all three of his jumps. He took a participation ribbon, but he was fine with that.
Chad had the standing long jump. Mark watched him and he was pretty sure they were measuring in millimeters. He has huge finesse swinging his arms back and forth and back and forth and finally jumping like an inch and falling forward and rolling around like he's making sand angels. It's a hoot. For some crazy reason - has something to do with his division - he took the gold.
We've decided that Callie has had enough of the sensory overload and we will skip her running long jump tomorrow. I'd rather end on a positive note for her and continue to praise her for making through her run without a meltdown and staying "calm, cool and collected".
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